I signed up eagerly for a couple’s massage lesson. It seemed like such a brilliant idea; the perfect excuse to demand foot rubs after too much shopping, scalp massages when I’m grumpy, and have my shoulders kneaded after a long hard day at work. Domestic bliss, right?
I’d forgotten one crucial element. The other woman.
In my conventional little world, couple’s massages, especially those involving partial nudity and oil, are a strictly two-person activity. I’d forgotten all about the logistics of the lesson, which would involve me and my undressed partner taking it in turns to smooth oil into each other’s backs, with someone else in the room.
A whole host of shudderingly embarrassing scenarios ran through my head, the worst of which I couldn’t possibly disclose on a family website. Matters weren’t helped by my poor misled partner whispering ‘You said we were just getting a massage each! This is going to be weird,’ as we got changed. ‘Shut up and put your big disposable knickers on!’ I hissed back. It really was an all-time relationship low.
Yanti, our tutor for the hour, was, of course, neither as prudish nor as silly as us. By dint of classroom-bright lights, lesson summary printouts, and a cheerful, professional manner, she managed to make the session feel far less ménage-a-trois than we’d feared, and really more educational.
First of all, I got to lie on the table and be the guinea pig, while Yanti taught my partner a series of basic Balinese massage techniques, focusing on my back, neck and shoulders. We swapped halfway through, so I got to learn the same palm slides, kneading techniques, and a big sweeping motion used to apply oil, called ‘effleurage.’ It was fascinating to find out how many details you have to get right, paying attention to muscle groups, spine position, knots and pressure, especially having been on the receiving end of massages in many a spa over the years. Yanti explained all the important ways massage therapists make you feel comfortable, such as tucking a towel under your toes so your feet don’t get cold, or touching the area of the body you’re about to work on gently first, so the firmer kneading doesn’t come as a shock. These were all details that you wouldn’t ordinarily notice, but would miss if they weren’t there.
We ended up having a really good time, and the techniques we learnt were very useful – motions you could take home and practise without too much difficulty. The massage chambers at Zen Spa are huge and very pretty, lit with hundreds of tea lights and petals strewn about, so a session would make a really sweet honeymoon or Valentine’s Day treat. Zen also offers group massage sessions if you want a less intimate massage class with friends. And, if you’re serious about improving your massage techniques, you can sign up for a series of follow-up sessions too. Just think of it as an investment in domestic bliss.
Available from October 1 onwards. Massage lesson Dhs350 for one hour, Dhs525 for 90 minutes, Dhs700 for two hours, all subject to 10 per cent service charge and 6 per cent tourism fee. Zen Spa, Beach Rotana (02 697 9000)
