Step one
Wax on, wax off
Time is of the essence here, so we sought out somewhere that would tear the hair from your follicles quicker than you can squeal: ‘I want to be as smooth as a billiard ball!’ It may not be the most luxurious experience, but, in terms of sheer speed, Nails is our favourite ladies’ spot for a wax. The no-nonsense approach of the staff means there’s no time for whimpering, and prices are very reasonable. For the boys, we stopped at male-only spa Man/Age to talk to supervisor Marco Paulo Mendoza. He advises the full body wax for any hirsute men keen to bring sexy back, rather than hairy backs, to the beach. ‘If you want to show off a little skin, we suggest this treatment. Unnecessary hair can create body odour, as well as being uncomfortable in the heat.’ So what does the ‘full body wax’ entail? ‘Cheeks, nose hair and ears, plus everything from the neck down. It takes about an hour and a half,’ says Marco. Dry your eyes, lads – it’ll be over before you know it.
Time taken: 30-90 minutes
Full body wax, Dhs550. Man/Age, Marina Mall (02 681 8837). Full leg and bikini wax, Dhs100. Nails, Abu Dhabi Mall (02 644 4188).
Step two
Kiss goodbye to cellulite…
We also wanted to get rid of our dry skin and, well, just look generally thinner. Diet and exercise? Get outta here. Why bother when you can lie wrapped in cellophane listening to an instrumental version of ‘The Girl From Ipanena’ instead?
All our demands were met by the Aromatherapy Cellulite Treatment at Radisson Blu’s The Spa. The therapist applied a cellulite-busting gel and pounded and slapped our dimply derriere into submission before soothing us with a sweet scented oil massage. She warned us it takes six treatments for maximum results, combined with predictable lifestyle changes if you’re trying to lose a significant amount of weight. Nonetheless, after just one session, there was a definite improvement in the condition of our skin, which felt much firmer. Although the cellulite hadn’t disappeared, it was much less noticeable. The juniper and pine ingredients used during the massage have a diuretic property, and help get rid of excess body fluid, so we felt immediately more slender in the short term. Job done!
Time taken: 60 minutes
Aromatherapy Cellulite Treatment, Dhs375. The Spa, Radisson Blu (02 656 2000).
Step three
Get a golden glow
We’re all aware of the dangers of toasting yourself in the sun, yet it’s surprising how many of us still run the risk of ending up with skin like a wrinkled paper bag just to achieve that bronzed look. These days, more women are opting for the safe solution of a spray-on tan, yet guys seem reluctant to take this skin-friendly path. We headed to The Lounge, one of the best spots for male grooming in Abu Dhabi, where we were meticulously airbrushed from head to toe.
A word of warning, though: don’t use spray-on deodorant before being tanned. The spots where we’d applied Right Guard that morning turned bright green. Fortunately, it soon faded, while our fake tan lasted more than a week and fooled most people into thinking we’d spent a week catching the rays. Prices at The Lounge are far from cheap, but for ladies bargain bronzing sessions are available at the ever-popular Madonna Spa, which uses Crystal Clear products for instant colour.
Time taken: 30 minutes
Full body bronze, Dhs480. The Lounge (02 667 7377). Spray tan treatment, Dhs250. Madonna Beauty Spa (02 674 0666).
Step four
Tips and toes
All you’ve got left to worry about now is making your fingers and toes as pretty as possible. A good place to head for both boys (yes, you read right) and girls is The Beauty Spot Salon situated at the Royal Marina complex. Not only do they do a mean mani-pedi for the ladies, but they also have a gentlemen’s salon right next door, where men can get their nails exfoliated, filed and buffed to smooth perfection.
Time taken: 45 minutes
Manicure and pedicure, Dhs125. The Beauty Spot Salon (02 681 8817). Manicure and pedicure, Dhs140. The Beauty Spot Male Grooming (02 681 6786).
Top three spots for posers
There’s no point looking like hot stuff without somewhere to show it all off…
Aloft
The Splash pool at Aloft is populated heavily by muscular, Italian military-types, giving you a guaranteed buff audience to show off to or compete with, depending on your perspective.
Posers tip: Shun the funky white poolside pods – the shady cover makes them more suitable for shrinking violets.
Aloft (02 654 5077)
Emirates Palace
The hotel’s stunning stretch of beach is only for in-house guests, unfortunately, but if you do manage to find yourself on this hallowed ground, you’ll no doubt end up frolicking in the sand with the likes of Christina Aguilera and Rihanna.
Posers tip: Keep an eye open for paparazzi stalking footballer’s wives, and make sure you get in that all-important shot!
Emirates Palace (02 690 9000)
Shangri-La
The best thing about hitting up the Shangri-La is the maximum-exposure factor – and we’re not talking about sun cream protection. There are four bathing areas in total, and a gorgeous stretch of beach. Take your pick.
Posers tip: Choose the colossal infinity pool, where people will be able to check you out not just from their sun beds, but also from the lobby and many of the west-facing rooms too.
Shangri-La (02 509 8888)
