War. What is it good for? Loads of stuff actually. Stamina, teamwork, spatial awareness, developing an unhealthy obsession with one-upmanship, and uh… fun. We’re talking paintball warfare, naturally, rather than the real thing, but the fact that our team was limbering up on the fields at the Armed Forces Officers Club seemed rather appropriate.
Our instructor, Alvin, gave us a sneak peek of the battlegrounds before we got going. Afoc has two set-ups. One looks like a cross between Stonehenge and a sinister, surreal computer game, with Tetris block-shaped stone structures strewn across the field, while the other is pure urban wasteland – a playground of burnt out cars, stray rubber tyres, battered metal canisters and all sorts of other props to assist us in wreaking havoc on our enemies.
We hastened to the changing rooms to put our boiler suits on, blue for our team, orange for the enemy. The smack-talk in the ladies changing room was a little on the tame side, and we all chatted about how we didn’t look ridiculous or fat in our outfits while secretly planning how to pump each other full of bullets. Aaaah sweet deception – one of the necessary evils of war, right?
Next we had a strict talk about safety rules and how to use the guns. If someone has their hands over their heads – ‘the international signal for surrender’ – then you can’t shoot them. Don’t remove your mask on the field. Don’t shoot at close range or it can really hurt. ‘Paintballing is generally classed as an extreme sport because of the pain factor,’ Alvin gleefully told us.
Having said that, Afoc paintballs are designed to combust on impact, so they don’t hurt nearly as much as the conventional ones. We’d all seen friends’ pictures of huge bruises and welts from paintball sessions, but the ammunition used here is far gentler, so when you’re hit, it feels more like being lightly flicked than blasted with a projectile.
Bursting with anticipation, we strapped on gloves, neck guards, bullet-proof vests (sort of) and masks. Decked out in this kit, everyone looked intimidating and pretty mean. So, loaded up with 200 paintballs each, we were finally ready to deliver a thorough paintballing pasting – total annihilation through neon-hued gloop. Raaaaaaaarrrrr!
Our teams went to opposite ends of the field and the game began. The next 15 or so minutes were a frenzy of paint fire, dodging, sneaking, hiding and yelling, with tactics across the field ranging from cowering to wild recklessness. Bolts of adrenaline surged every time we noticed someone had crept closer than we thought, or we caught a tantalising glimpse of exposed orange boiler suit and tried to pepper it with bullets. We realised pretty quickly that not only are guns heavy, but it’s really tough to run and shoot straight at the same time. How does Jack Bauer do it?
Within minutes we’d spent all our bullets – 200 doesn’t last as long as you might think – and came back to the instructor, squabbling about who had won. It was clearly the other side, who had hit our teammate square between the eyes on her mask, which was covered in a dripping blob of orange. Were we now thoroughly acquainted with the joys of paintballing? Pretty much. We were certainly exhausted, high on adrenaline and aching from head to toe. Round two, anyone?
Paintballing basic rental fee Dhs150 per person, which includes the outfit, gun and 100 paintballs. Armed Forces Officers Club, Al Khaleej Al Arabi Road (02 4415 900)
