Alex Hammond ended up biting off more than he could chew at dinner recently.
As the newest member of team TOAD, and a very raw recruit to Abu Dhabi in general (three weeks and counting now) this week’s cover article on expanding your social circle in the capital naturally resonated with me.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a shy person. In fact I’d go so far as to say that, on the odd occasion, I’ve been known to be enthusiastic to a fault when it comes to making new acquaintances. But there’s always a time and a place for making the long walk from one side of the room to the other, hand outstretched, and sometimes it just isn’t appropriate. Let me give you an example.
I was in a restaurant ordering dinner for one, which isn’t a practice I’ve much experience of, but on this particular occasion it was a question of needs must. I scanned the menu looking for something quick and easy to quell my hunger yet still afford me a swift getaway, but before I could make my mind up I felt the presence of someone directly behind me. I turned to see one of the waiters looking at me with a mixture of worry and perplexity, who proceeded to bend over and whisper into my ear.
‘Excuse me sir, but would you be interested in being joined for dinner?’
I could tell from the waiter’s expression that we were of the same mind concerning this bizarre request. Not knowing what was in store if I agreed to this spontaneous liaison, I unsurprisingly turned down the offer.
However, I had not even had the time to glance back down at my menu before I caught site of an energetic young man bounding towards me, offering his hand as though we were the oldest of friends.
‘Surely this can only be a case of mistaken identity,’ was my first thought, as I looked around the room to see if I could spot any hidden cameras.
But no, it wasn’t. The man introduced himself, acknowledged that I didn’t know him, assured me his motives were not malicious and reiterated his offer to eat together as if this was the most normal thing in the world. He went on to explain that he spent a significant period of time on the road, and to stave off the boredom he often dined with complete strangers.
I will admit that the man’s confidence and familiarity slightly affected me, and for a brief moment I was convinced that perhaps this was a regular everyday occurrence, and in fact I was the unconventional one for electing to eat alone.
But my mind cleared long enough to pour water on my new acquaintance’s proposal by declining the offer for a second time, whilst mumbling something about emails that needed addressing on my phone. I heaved a huge sigh of relief as my would-be guest turned away, safe in the knowledge that I would be able to eat without resorting to painful small talk interspersed with crippling silences.
Eyes down, I flicked through my phone until I believed I was free from danger. Five little words instantly shattered that illusion.
‘So, what you ordering then?’
I looked up to see that my new chum had sat himself on the table opposite me, face to face, so that all that was separating us was five feet of table and a stretch of carpet.
‘See, usually I don’t eat Chinese food, but Jan from accounts was talking about a lovely stir fry she had last night by the water cooler today, and I suddenly had a taste for a bit for sweet and sour. Do you know what I mean?’
I buried my head in my menu. It was going to be a long evening.
