Lack of self-esteem in kids is a very common problem. Maša Karleuša Valkanou, a systemic family psychotherapist at Thrive, shares her top tips to help mums and dads in the UAE boost their kid’s confidence.
Having self-esteem and gaining confidence is one of the most important characteristics of healthy child development. In fact, a child’s social and emotional health plays a crucial role in how they handle setbacks, deal with peer pressure and face various other challenges throughout life.
Having positive self-esteem is also a protective factor for good mental health. Cultivating confidence contributes to positive social behavior and works as a buffer when your child is impacted by negative situations.
Until a child hits puberty, Valkanou says that it is up to parents to deal with self-esteem issues in their kids, and here’s how.
Think about your self-esteem
A happy (or healthy) parent is a good parent. If a parent has a problem with self-confidence, this may influence the child’s development. If a parent is aware of their own shortcomings, they are able to ask for help. By helping themselves they in turn can help their children.
Trust your child (not in words, but in your heart)
Overprotective parents don’t believe their child is capable of being able to do things appropriate to their age and most parents nowadays tend to be shocked hearing what the age appropriate targets are. As a general tendency mums and dads these days tend to adopt a more overprotective parenting style.
Do not do things for them
Most parents nowadays have to refrain from doing things for their children. They think they are helping, but actually they are depriving their children of trying and making mistakes, which is crucial for healthy development. Its important to let children become more independent.
Do praise, but do not falsely inflate their value
You can’t protect anyone from reality. It is important to praise your child when they have done something good, but you should not praise the child for example for brushing their teeth, which is normal and expected. Try to point your praise at their talents and the things that they are really good at. Your parenting should be aligned with what they will encounter in the outside world.
Patience, frustration tolerance and building
Enhance the process, not only the target. Teach them to try again, to wait for results, to build brick by brick, to believe despite disappointment, to grow success and form their way through life difficulties. Build their tolerance and resilience.
Show the love and teach them boundaries
Love them, hug them, kiss them, talk to them, appreciate them, but also set clear boundaries. Without boundaries children do not feel safe and do not feel protected. Never give them a false sense of power. Parents are responsible for the family and are the decision makers. The child should be aware of the parental couple as a united front and learn to understand their own dependency from adults. It’s imperative that a child feels safe and secure, which is one of the main aspects of self-esteem.
