You run school workshops that ‘empower’ young women. How does that work?
The concept is called Enlighten and the whole idea is to encourage young women to value themselves in ways other than those presented by the media and advertising in our society. We look at the link between body image and self-esteem, for example, and show the girls ‘before’ and ‘after’ shots from magazine editorial: the women they aspire to be are actually airbrushed to perfection.
Are a few retouched bottoms really that dangerous?
It’s dangerous if you don’t understand that what you see isn’t real. If you’re comparing yourself to something that’s been done on Photoshop, you’re never going to be happy. I love reading fashion magazines as much as the next person, but we have to develop a healthier way of consuming them: you can enjoy the content without taking it so personally that your whole life has to change.
Britney seems to be back on track: can parents breathe a sigh of relief?
That kind of role model serves only to teach our kids that life consists of finding a cute boy, wearing miniskirts and drinking until you pass out. We’re neglecting to tell our girls that they can strive to be intelligent, curious, fun-loving individuals.
When did you realise you wanted to make a difference?
The real eye-opener for me was when the sister of a school friend of mine killed herself. She was the most beautiful girl, and her mother stood up at the funeral and told us how her daughter had been bullied at school and just never got over it. I get letters all the time from teenagers telling me the most awful stories of how they hate themselves. Then I speak to fabulous women with careers and families and they tell me: ‘Oh, I used to feel like that.’ I want to show kids who are going through dark times that there is light at the end of the tunnel. That’s the idea behind my book: From Experience, With Love.
How can women here contribute?
I’m compiling stories so that young girls can see that most women experience similar difficulties growing up and that many come through it to lead valued and successful lives. For those women who are still struggling, I hope this book helps them too. The UAE seems like the centre of the world in terms of all the different nationalities here. If anyone has a story they would like to share, it would be great if they got in touch.
Shouldn’t parents be doing this?
We have all had our parents telling us that they’ve been through rough patches, but we shrug it off because we believe they are just trying to make us feel better. When we read or hear other people’s stories we are more receptive. We need to hear about the experiences of others in order to understand what is possible.
Do you have children of your own?
Yes, I’ve got two little daughters, and even at the age of nine they’re being exposed to pop songs with really unhealthy lyrics.
What advice do you have for the parents of troubled teenagers?
Let them know you’re proud of them no matter what. Contrary to what they would have you believe, teenagers desperately want their parents to be proud of them: to know that makes a huge difference in their lives. It’s important that teenagers find a release for bottled-up emotion, so encourage them to write a journal and to confide in someone: it doesn’t have to be you. In Australia, we have hotlines that kids can call to get help. It would be great to start something like that in the UAE.
Have you considered the needs of local women?
From what I understand, Emirati women are having to try to figure out their place in this society. They’re being bombarded with Western-style advertising and that must be very confusing. One of my goals in all this is to find a community member who is able to teach me more about the needs of the local teenage women so that I can integrate that into the programmes I offer and that our youth are catered for. I believe this is one community issue where locals and expats can work together.
Is Abu Dhabi really a good place to be bringing up kids?
There’s no doubt that Abu Dhabi and the UAE affords kids some incredible opportunities. But the complaint I hear time and again from mothers is that their children are growing very materialistic: they’re surrounded by kids who have so much stuff, and they’re in a sort of endless cycle of want. Of course, there’s a natural tendency to want to provide for our kids materially, but I think it’s time to put the focus on some other values.
For more information on Enlighten school days, individual counselling, or to contribute your experiences, contact Diane Illingworth: di.illingworth@gmail.com
