Much as you love them, having parents visit can be both daunting and inconvenient. While it can be slightly irritating that you’ve had to give up your precious holiday time to trawl through tacky gift shops and traipse around a tourist attraction you’ve been to numerous times, this is a truly special occasion for your parent. And, because forewarned is forearmed, based on incidents from my lovely mother’s recent visit, this must-read guide will help prevent parent strangling incidents during their stay
1) Remember, you’re no longer a teenager. Hissy fits, slamming of doors and walking five paces behind them while out shopping is not allowed.
2) Be prepared to answer a non-stop barrage of daft questions. ‘Where does sand come from? What are the names of all the diners in this restaurant? How do you qualify to become a Sheikh?’ were just three of the queries I received. Really.
3) Have an answer for these questions. If you don’t know it, just make it up. ‘Sand is the remains of dead camels.’ ‘Every diner in this restaurant is called either Salim or Sandra.’ ‘Sheikhs have to spend 10 years at Sheikh College before taking up the post,’ were all credulously taken in by my mother.
4) Be an unashamed tourist. No matter how many times you’ve been to Emirates Palace, Ferrari World and the like, try to seem enthused about going again. And when your parent suggests matching ‘I Love Abu Dhabi T-shirts’ as excursion uniforms, willingly accept and pray your friends don’t see you.
5) The usual can be fascinating. ‘What, you have Starbucks in Abu Dhabi?’ You mean, sometimes you go to the cinema?’ Yes, your parent will, for some reason, be intrigued by the fact that many of the familiar sights and activities of your home country exist here.
6) Partners and friends can act as a buffer. Okay, it’s inevitable your parent will start recalling embarrassing stories from the nappy-wearing era of your life to your pals. But surely it’s worth the odd blush just for some respite from the incessant questioning.
7) Be prepared to pay. You’re living in a tax-free economy, you’re working full time, you probably drive a fancier car then you did in your home country, so in your parents’ eyes, you’re now a millionaire. Don’t destroy the illusion by whinging about how three quarters of your salary is consumed by rent, just cough up and foot the bill. If you have siblings, your position in the favourite child pecking order will take a massive boost.
8) Keep them busy. Remember, a tired parent is a quiet parent. And a quiet parent means a happy host. By running them off their feet with a barrage of gallery visits and shopping trips they’ll inevitably be too exhausted to nag you.
9) Explain the dress code. ‘No mum, you don’t have to wear an abaya while swimming in the sea.’
10) Cherish every moment. With the risk of sounding like the prologue from ’70s US sitcom Happy Days, opportunities to pop into your parents’ house for a cup of tea are few and far between, so breathe deeply and resist the urge to lose your temper. Once you’ve dropped them off at Abu Dhabi International Airport, you’ll miss them. Kind of.
