Last weekend I killed a dragon – a couple in fact. It took me about 20 hours to hunt the first one down, and while he put up one heck of a fight, my superior swordmanship did finally prevail. And after the first one, it was cake.
Yes, I finally bought Skyrim. I realize the purchase of a computer game might not sound like much to some, but to a man who’s played every single installation of The Elder Scrolls (since Arena came out in 1994), this is akin to a 2012 Phenomenon fanatic finding out that the world won’t be ending, winning the lottery and getting a free ice cream all on the same day.
So yes, killing dragons was a piece of cake; but what was difficult to handle was my better half.
‘We have guests, do you really intend on ignoring them all night and playing Skyrim?’
Yes, I had intended to do just that. I didn’t say this of course, but obediently joined our guests at the dinner table, made interesting small talk and chuckled politely at everyone’s mediocre dinner jokes. It was torture.
By the time the coffee made its way to the table I couldn’t take it anymore, and I snuck back to my laptop to continute fighting the good fight. Our real world friends would forgive me, but between the Imperials and the Stormcloaks, crazed Daedra and raging dragons I couldn’t just walk away from the citizens of Skyrim; they really, really needed my help.
But you don’t just ignore your wife and get away with it – I’ve seen this done before, and it never ends well.
I have a friend that picks a fight with his partner before buying a new game, then waits a few days before calling her back to apologise; he of course spends those days on his console. Another friend wakes up at the crack of dawn to get his two hours of gaming in, because he knows he’ll need to spend time with his wife after work, and on the weekends. I even hear tales of brave souls who forgo companionship altogether, and dedicate every free minute of their lives to video games; they’re always on their computers, always in the know. But that’s just stupid, isn’t it?
They’re all a bit silly in fact; I find that the best solution is actually understanding your wife’s needs. It’s true, she did tell me off for spending time away from our guests, but a good husband reads between the lines. Which is why my wife is now the proud owner of a copy of Skyrim for the Playstation 3.
‘Look honey, it even comes with a dragon statuette and a faux-handdrawn map with all the locations of the Dragon burial mounds, so that you can hunt down those resurructed miserable worms as soon as you’re ready.’
‘…that may be the most thoughtful thing you’ve ever gotten me. Can you install it while I call and cancel our plans?’
This weekend we’re killing dragons, all weekend long. We won’t eat, we won’t sleep, and they’ll put up a heck of a fight. But we will prevail; and it will be glorious.
