I’ve not been myself for the last couple of weeks, and I can’t quite work out why. I am usually the proud bearer of a very cheery disposition and my nickname in the office is nothing short of ‘Sunshine’. Nothing usually fazes me; I’m quite laid back and hardly ever get annoyed. But I’ve been having some funny feelings lately, and apparently these are called ‘anger’ and ‘irritation’. While I’m ever-curious and open to new discoveries, quite frankly these don’t sit very well with me. I’ve tried them on for size and they just don’t fit; yet I still can’t seem to shake them.
The first thing I really hate is smoking. I have no judgment on people who smoke, I just really hate it being blown in my face unnecessarily. I grew up in a household where smoking was akin to murder. Seriously, my mother would have preferred us to cover our whole body in tattoos or get expelled from school than smoke a cigarette. So it’s hardly surprising that cigarette smoke really annoys me. But hang on, smoking isn’t the only thing that annoys me, and this could go on for a while, so I’ve decided – in typical OCD fashion – to write a list of the things that annoy me to vent my frustration; aren’t you happy you’re on the receiving end?
Here it goes, the ten things that randomly irritate me:
1. People who can’t tell the difference between you’re and your. One’s an abbreviation, one’s a possession; please don’t mix them up when you’re emailing me.
2. People who look at you blankly when you see them, even though you have been introduced to them three or four times.
3. People who obsess over food and their diets. It’s boring, and I really don’t care which new birdseed macrobiotic diet you’re on. I’m enjoying my food, so please let me be.
4. Wet towels on the floor, especially if they belong to husbands. They’re not going to dry themselves there.
5. Sand or food crumbs in my bed. The shower’s just down the hall; invest ten minutes.
6. People who push in front when lining up. We can see you, and if someone doesn’t trip or kick you it’s because they’re more polite, not intimidated by you.
7. Internet that refuses to work. This has been the cause of many irrational tears and tantrums.
8. Sniffers; just blow your nose and save us all the misery. The occasional booming nose-blow is preferable to hours of sniffling. And on that note, shouldn’t you be home and not infecting everyone else?
9. Inconsistent people. Pick a side and stick to your guns.
10. Major over-shares and vague status updates on Facebook. Facebook is a public forum, people, try not to turn it into a minute-to-minute journal. That’s what Twitter is for.
Oh wow; it really does work! I feel so much better already. And yes I know none of that is going to change, but now that I’ve snapped out of this mood, I’ll be just fine taking it all again. So go on, throw all the inconsistent, grammatically challenged, blank-faced, ever-dieting, towel-throwing, bed- soiling, line-jumping, Facebook-obsessed perpetual sniffers you’ve got at me; oh dear, I’ve gone and upset myself again.
Angela Beitz is our ever-sunny shopping editor. She tries to put on an angry face sometimes, but it just makes us giggle behind her back.
