Christmas Cracker jokes are notoriously bad. In fact, when certain manufacturers made an effort to improve the quality of the comedy, customers complained.
It seems that we like our Christmas crackers corny.
Never ones to shy away from cheep laughs and shocking jokes. Time Out has found a selection of groaners for you. Think you can do better/worse? Leave your joke and we’ll include the highlights in the Christmas edition of Time Out.
What is Santa’s favourite pizza?
One that’s deep pan, crisp and even.
What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost.
Why was Santa’s little helper feeling depressed?
He had low elf-esteem
Who invented the sandal?
Felipe Fullop
What did the digital watch say to the analogue watch?
Look! No hands!
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
Who hides in a bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy.
What did baby corn say to mummy corn?
Where’s popcorn?
What did the letter say to the stamp?
Stick with me and we’ll go places.
Why did the thief take a bath?
So that he could make a clean getaway.
Why did the chicken run on to the football pitch?
The ref blew for a fowl.
Where does Tarzan buy his clothes?
A jungle sale.
Son: Dad, there’s a man collecting for a new swimming pool.
Dad: Well give him a glass of water!
Why is it difficult to keep a secret at the North Pole?
Because your teeth chatter
Why can you never play jokes on snakes?
You can never pull their legs
Who beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
Tarzipan
How do you make an idiot laugh on Boxing Day?
Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers
What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
Subordinate clauses
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsilitis
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia
Why don’t robots have brothers?
Because they have transistors
What do angry mice send each other at Christmas?
Cross mouse cards
