‘Oh the weather outside is frightful…’ croons Dean Martin over the speakers in the coffee shop as customers hunch over steaming cups of toffee nut latte, cold hands wrapped round a snowflake-patterned cup. So far, so Christmassy. Except the frightful weather is inside, whistling winds courtesy of the cranked-up air conditioning unit. The weather outside is actually delightful – sunny and bright, and a clement 30°C.
Abu Dhabi, this seems to have escaped your notice but IT ISN’T COLD HERE! Sure, it’s nearing December 25, but since when do festive spirits and sub-zero temperatures have to go hand in hand? We’re still in the desert, so there’s no need for all the shops to start pasting their walls with posters of snowy landscapes or winter woolly-clad families huddled around a roaring fire. Definitely no reason for every clothing outlet in the malls to have stocked up on knitted scarves and fur-lined boots. Honestly, who is buying this stuff? The same people who right this minute are ordering a tankard of hot and spicy mulled red on a poolside bar terrace while they soak up the sizzling midday sunshine.
Where’s it going to end? Ramming your flip-flops on over novelty Rudolph the Reindeer socks? Sitting around an open fire roasting chestnuts while trying to stave off the effects of heatstroke? To me, it seems to be sinister Orwellian doublethink masquerading as seasonal cheer, a Christmas special of Nineteen Eighty-Four in 2010. This has to stop, before the city’s hospitals become overrun with fat, white-bearded jolly men that have collapsed from heat exhaustion inside their red velvet Santa suits, with teams of miserable, confused camels tied up to sleighs outside, taking up all the spaces in the car park. This is the future and it’s as ugly as a turkey’s innards.
Here’s the thing – the festive season can be eminently adaptable to various climates and conditions. Don’t you remember those ‘Christmas Around The World’ lessons? You know, when you were taught about an old lady called Babushka giving presents to the Russian kids instead of Santa, while in Germany they get to open their presents a day early. In other words, people do different stuff in different countries at Christmastime. So let’s get a new batch of cultural traditions for the festive season here. Maybe we should take our cue from the Aussies. Come December 25, they all just don their swimsuits and add a twist of tinsel to their surfboards, right? So, why not get down to the Corniche, slip on your sunnies, sip on fruity mocktails and spend the afternoon under a palm tree (adding tinsel and baubles is optional.) You can even put ‘Let it Snow’ on the iPod. But only because it’s a really good tune.
