When a baby is born, so is a mother, but with the focus on the tiny, gorgeous-smelling newborn, the lady who carried the infant is often over-looked.
But the journey of motherhood, while exciting, is also daunting, scary and emotional. Those first few weeks of being a mum are exhausting and filled with anxiety as you try to adjust to the fact that you are responsible for a brand-new little human.
It’s not easy.
Lead midwife and head nurse at Nightingale Health Services, Malin Ghavami, shares seven things that every new mum really needs to hear. A must-read if you are postpartum.
There’s no such thing as “bouncing back”
Please don’t stress about your postpartum body. Having a new baby is stressful enough. Instead, focus on the baby’s needs, as well as your own, making sure you get enough rest. It takes time to recover from pregnancy and birth both physically and emotionally. It also takes time to get used to the lack of sleep and disrupted day and night patterns. As well as disturbing your rest, worrying about your body will affect your digest system, which in turn has a major impact on your performance ability related to exercise. Just try to relax and enjoy your little one for the first three months, while they’re so small.
Hair loss after pregnancy is not unusual Hormones during pregnancy cause the hair to remain in the growth stage and you don’t lose as much hair as you normally would. Post-pregnancy, the hormones level out and hair fall can increase. Breastfeeding mothers usually don’t lose as much hair when they are breastfeeding, again due to hormone changes, and your hair and skin quality can actually improve.
Ask for help after the birth
And I mean any kind of help, depending on what you need. It can be anything from advanced lactation support to a friend coming over and making you a nice cappuccino, or rocking your crying baby so that you can take a decent shower. The small things make a huge difference as a new mother. Becoming a mother is not easy; one minute you’re living the life you’re used to, with your regular routines and habits. The next minute you become a mum with a whole new title and your life feels like it’s been turned upside down for a while. It takes time to get used to. Nothing beats that feeling when you finally get to hold your newborn child, but for some people that unconditional love grows steadily day by day. When things start to settle down you will start to express your feelings more and this is okay.
Don’t expect to have the answers for anything in the first month
Seek help and, if possible, help to prepare yourself by attending one or two prenatal sessions with a professional midwife or maternity nurse who knows from experience what a new mother needs to know. This will help you feel more confident and also manage your expectations in a realistic way.
Breastfeeding can be difficult in the beginning
It’s actually more common for first-time mothers to struggle a bit initially than to have it working perfectly from the very beginning. It takes about four weeks to get breastfeeding established, which means when the mother has enough milk for the baby to thrive and there’s no pain or discomfort from the mother’s side while feeding. For some mums it doesn’t work. I always say, balance the effort you put in versus the outcome that you want. Sometimes when it’s really tough, it doesn’t justify the difficulties you might be experiencing – a midwife will be able to advise you on this. Being a good mother is not about breastfeeding, being a good mother is about doing the best you can with the power that you have and nothing else.
Motherhood comes with lots of opinions, even from people you don’t know
My best advice is to connect with a professional – a nurse, midwife or maternity specialist – before the baby arrives, and to consult them whenever you get confused. Online research is good, but not that good, so be careful with what you read through motherhood as it can just fill you with anxiety.
You will feel worried
The first 48 hours are usually the worst, but after the first two days it gets better every day as you and your baby get to know each other. You will also start to recognise the different cries and body language from your baby, which helps to relax your worries a bit. Of course you will be worried for your child, and for a long time. But that, I believe, is a very healthy sign.
Ghavami’s final piece of advice?
Motherhood is the most amazing journey that one can ever make, congratulations on being part of it. It’s a one way ticket to love, laugh and joy and you’re going to love it. You got this.
