From VIP lounges in London to high-profile parties in Paris, the life of a celebrity is a luxurious one indeed. Most of us aren’t rich or famous enough to enjoy this exuberant existence, but if you’re perceived to be well known and wealthy, your presence at any particular venue is worth its weight in magazine coverage…
The free makeover
Blagometer: You can’t even find ‘blag’ in the dictionary
Take a stroll through any of Abu Dhabi’s shopping malls and you’ll come across countless cosmetic outlets, almost all of which are eager for you to try out their latest products. So, for those who are new to the blagging game, this is an excellent opportunity to sharpen your skills. It’s a guaranteed result; you walk away looking a lot better than when you came in and it hasn’t cost you a single penny.
It’s also worth having a go at the free samples. Okay, you might not get buckets of RéVive skincare cream, but a well-crafted email or letter to the manufacturer explaining how much you love the product may well result in miniatures and money-off vouchers.
Getting more attention at restaurants
Blagometer: You’re considering a career in blagging
Imagine you’re on a first or second date and you really want to impress. Just think how amazed your potential partner would be if the head chef himself came over and talked things over at your table. The trick here is to present the possibility that you may well be a food critic or restaurant reviewer, without actually confirming or denying it. Something as simple as writing notes during the meal can often whip the staff up into a frenzy, and soon you’ll be lavished with extra attention.
It’s worth noting that those who actually do write restaurant reviews for reputable publications go to great pains to ensure no one knows what they’re actually doing. However, this doesn’t happen for all publications. You stand a higher chance of success on a quiet night at the right venue – some of the restaurants on Yas Island, for example. A little background research on the establishment and its dishes is also advisable.
Beating the waiting list
Blagometer: Blag School freshman
Attempting to scrounge a free birthday meal or even just money off ’cause it’s a special occasion is a reasonable blag, but one you can only use sparingly. Securing a table at a restaurant with a month-long waiting list however, is more of a challenge. This one is actually a nice exercise in building one’s blagging potential, as the principal part is conducted over the phone.
However, as with any professional-level blagging, an awareness of how you must appear and conduct yourself is essential. Try calling up on behalf of a high-ranking celebrity and ask for a table – VIPs don’t make their own restaurant bookings. Always pick someone well known, but not recognisable – potentially difficult in today’s celeb-obsessed culture, but not impossible. Posing as a lesser-known member of a popular band, dance act or even sports team can yield results.
Entry to exclusive venues
Blagometer: Holds a BA (Hons) in blagging
Never queue if you don’t have to. In the eyes of the doorman, that puts you with the ordinary, common folk. Celebrities don’t queue, so why should you. Has anyone ever said you look like someone famous? Why not pretend to be them. Again, faceless dance acts or X-Factor-equivalent winners are a good bet as no one knows what they actually look like. Walking into Emirates Palace and saying you’re George Clooney, on the other hand, is not such a smoking hot idea.
Psyching yourself up to walk and talk like an egocentric superstar, and insisting your name is on the party guest list with absolute certainty can sometimes work. Or turning up late when all the fuss has died down. Exits and back doors can be unguarded too, so if you’re quick enough, slipping in the staff entrance could work, although it’s a little risky. Failing that, when you arrive at a celeb hotspot like the Étoiles, just be outrageous and act like you were born to be there – the more ridiculous and outlandish the better.
The art of the upgrade
Blagometer: Blags for a living
Everyone longs for the luxury of Business Class when they’re crammed into coach, and by following a few basic rules, you too can achieve the elusive upgrade – the airline equivalent of the Holy Grail. It’s important to first understand why you might be upgraded at all. Our Etihad insider informs us that opportunities arise when Economy is pretty much sold out and the airline considers it a better business decision to make some room back there so that they can sell some more seats. So this situation must first be the case.
You can then increase your chances by dressing in a presentable manner, and having an airline loyalty card is a bonus. Then, ask politely upon check-in if the flight is full, and make a little light-hearted enquiry about the chances of an upgrade. If you’re considered suitable, a note is made on the system saying ‘Eligible for upgrade’, and when you go to board and your original pass doesn’t work, you’ll know you’ve been successful.
Driving a supercar for a day
Blagometer: Represents country at Blag Olympics
Arguably the hardest of all blags, this truly takes you to elite status. Strolling up to the Lamborghini showroom wearing shorts and a T-shirt won’t get you very far. One very useful statistic we were told is that about 99 per cent of supercar buyers in Abu Dhabi aren’t even interested in a test drive; they just select the model and colour they want and that’s it. So, you’ve got your work cut out for you.
Execution is key here, so look and act like you mean business. Firstly, always ask for the manager of the showroom – frankly, anyone else just isn’t important enough. From the outset they will be attempting to assess your profile; from the clothes you’re wearing, shoes, watch, your accent, even the car you arrive in is important. Consequently, you might want to consider getting dropped off around the corner and walking for a few minutes. From your performance, the success of your attempt will be determined.
Blag [bla-g] verb blag-ged, blag ing, noun – verb (used with object)
1 to borrow (a small amount or item) with no intention of paying or returning it: to blag a free dinner
