Phone conversation with A taxi driver: ‘I’ll be there in 2 minutes. Give or take 5 miles.’
One woman to another: I’ve accidentally stolen a pen from the gym. I obviously had such a good time there that I wanted a souvenir to remind me of it.
On the street: I don’t think I’ve got a shawarma problem, I just can’t imagine going two days without having one. That’s ok, right?
Two children in an airplane
Child 1: Do you know what I am looking forward to most about moving to Abu Dhabi?
Child 2: What?
Child 1: Going to school on a camel now we live in the desert
Restaurant reservations: Would you prefer lunch-brunch or dinner-brunch?
Hotel doorman: Hello sir or madam, can I help you?
Man walking on motorway (big buildings right in front of him, the desert behind): Is this the way to Abu Dhabi?
In an office: It’s going to be a full moon tonight. You know, when the moon looks like a polo mint but without the hole in.
Pregnant mum: You know your sister is in my tummy.
Daughter: Did you eat her?
In a restaurant: You’ve been in the UAE for two years and you’ve never been to brunch?
Calling a Moroccan restaurant for a to go order: –Hi. Do you have vegetarian tagine?
–Yes, vegetarian.
–What vegetables are in the tagine? I just wanted to know what comes with the order.
–Chicken, ma’am.
–No, I need vegetarian.
–Ahhh, you want fish?
–Nope, just vegetables. Do you have a tagine with just vegetables?
–Ahhh, yes ma’am. You want vegetables with only chicken?
–Nope. ONLY vegetables.
(Cook gets on the phone.)
— Hi. What would you like, ma’am?
–Just wanted to know what kind of vegetables I can order.
–No. No vegetables, ma’am.
–Ok. No thank you. (And hang up the phone).
Five minutes later, Call from the restaurant.
–Hi ma’am. You forgot to give us your apartment number!!!!
You wanted chicken and fish tagine, right ma’am?
A telephone conversation about an Ad on Dubizzle:
– Hello, is this Paul?
– yes it is
– i’m calling about the advert you placed for X?
– which one?
– the one about X at X AED?
– I don’t know what you are talking about.
– Have you listed an advert?
– (silence)
– Hello?
– Yes?
– Is this Paul?
– No
– Then why did you say yes the first time I asked you?!
– Because I didn’t know what language you were speaking.
In a bar: I’m not saying I would swap my wife for a camel, but it would be nice to at least be asked!
On the street: Do you know why CrossFit is the opposite of Fight Club? Because the first rule of CrossFit is that you can never stop talking about CrossFit.
On the street: I only eat plain cheesecake. Occasionally I might have the one with cherries on top, but that’s as off-piste as I get. Anything else would be too crazy.
Have you overheard something funny? We’d love it hear it. Tweet us @timeoutabudhabi!
