Jedward

Victory
1/4
It is a victory, whether we like it or not. From coming sixth in ‘The X Factor’ 2009, the twins have gone from strength to jabbering, hilarity-haired strength. Planet Jedward (population: two) may be an alien environment that the rest of us can only gawp at from a distance, but the brothers’ career has trumped the most exaggerated expectations. Their ‘work’ may be a giant, stinking floater that no amount of flushing could dissolve, but it’s not only churlish to begrudge them their (frankly harmless) success, it’s also pointless. To rail at the inanity of Jedward’s music is to rail at the excited ten-year-old girls who buy it. But in case any grown-ups are considering investing in this, we must tell you… don’t. Not unless a glassy-eyed and anodyne, asexual and emotionless, mall-friendly hybrid of Justin Bieber and Tatu, designed by a hyperactive production committee with shares in AutoTune is your thing. In which case, you have our blessing. And condolences.