Tambayan
Where: Al Ain Palace Hotel (02 679 4777)
When: Daily, noon-2.15am
Licensed? Yes
The garish spiritual home of Filipino karaoke: where else in the capital would you find a giant lava lamp behind a licensed bar and all-day karaoke from noon until 2.15am every single day of the week? Not even the house band can stop the customers bellowing. After 9.30pm, every 45 minutes the musicians have to give way, leaving the floor open to the public and yet another version of ‘Unchain My Heart’ belted out over a video of a koala bear eating eucalyptus leaves. Colourful, kitsch and slightly mad.
Selection: The staff must want to burn that machine, or at least incinerate one of the three hefty tomes of songs, largely culled from the ’60s, ’80s and ’90s. We can’t imagine any human being wanting to sing Phil Collins’ ‘Groovy Kind of Love’ (Phil included), but retro kids and divas are a law unto themselves.
Most unexpected song: Stone Temple Pilots, ‘Interstate Lovesong’
Montreal.com Café
Where: Khalidaya, behind Al Hilal Bank (02 665 6255)
When: Daily, 9.30am-9.30pm
Licensed: No
The name is frankly baffling. What this tiny backstreet Filipino café has to do with Canada is certainly not immediately apparent, but Montreal.com has undeniable charm. From the outside, a colourful sign spells out ‘karaoke’ and ‘videoke’ in bold, primary colours. Inside, things are rather cosy. The walls are covered in a weird bamboo montage, the menu has a number of Filipino faves (tapsilog, balalo and afritada), and in the far corner sits a tiny karaoke machine sweating in anticipation.
Selection: The choice is certainly eclectic, with a number of surprises. You don’t really expect to find Mersey Beat nearly-men Badfinger in the desert, nor Kid Rock’s ‘Only God Knows Why’ for that matter. However, Leonard Cohen’s ‘I’m Your Man’ was welcome indeed.
Most unexpected song: Brian May, ‘Too Much Love Will Kill You’
Wasabi
Where: Al Diar Mina Hotel (02 677 8415)
When: Daily, 7pm-11pm
Licensed: Yes
The private cubicles make Wasabi as authentic as you’re likely to get this side of Asia. Japanese tipples and some decent food make it a good bet for a meal, but unless you’re familiar with the workings of a state-of-the-art karaoke machine, you will spend the first 10 minutes shouting: ‘Play, damn you!’ rather than singing. However, the accompanying videos are some of the funniest in town, with promos for the North Yorkshire and Venice tourist boards seemingly making up the majority.
Selection: Hours of fun are to be had from pawing through the song book laughing at the bizarre translations which dot the Thai and Japanese sections – we’re not sure that ‘Eat Sh*te’ is a classic in any language. However, the selection is not as good as most, with memorable songs by the most popular artists missing, and nothing eccentric enough in their place to get us excited.
Most unexpected song: None really, but scour the list for amusing translations, or have a bash at singing ‘phonetically’ in Thai – always good for a laugh.
Bowling City
Where: Abu Dhabi Mall (02 644 4771) & Al Mariah Mall (02 676 0444)
When: Daily
Licensed: No
Dodge your way past the neon glam of the bowling alley and head to the plush red-and-blue soundproof booths upstairs. The glass walls make you feel rather like you’ve been trapped in a karaoke fish tank, but, best of all, you can record your out-of-tune warbling to CD for future reference. You will literally be a recording artist (hey, if Peter Andre can be classed as an artist, you can too), and at Dhs45 per hour (Dhs25 per half-hour), it’s a darn sight cheaper than Abbey Road.
Selection: You can tell it’s as much about families as adults – tweeny pop and toddlers’ fave ‘Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush’ rather gives the game away. However, the choice is pretty vast, covering most eras; there is even a bit of Wilson Pickett smattered among the incessant line-up of radio-friendly pop and rock.
Most unexpected song: Megadeath, ‘Symphony of Destruction’
Mardi Gras
Where: Al Diar Capital Hotel (02 672 4999)
When: Wednesdays, 10pm-3am
Licensed? Yes
Mardi Gras is a fairly laid-back place – not the coolest bar in town, but relaxed and with decent service. It never seems to get as crowded as other places, which is actually pretty handy. The embarrassment factor is kept low for budding singers, and karaoke night is usually a friendly affair with few hecklers.
Selection: The Mardi Gras song book is well known for its obscure selection, with the odd indie favourite hidden among the reams of soft rock and tooth-grinding renditions of Elton John. A welcome change.
Most unexpected song: PJ Harvey, ‘Good Fortune’
