The promise
An invigorating full-body deep-tissue massage, known as passive yoga. It aims to release tension and restore vitality.
The experience
Arriving all hot after work, we appreciate the cold towels we’re presented with, and gratefully sip the ginger tea we’re given.
We’re led down a dimly lit corridor that smells of essential oils to our treatment room, a large space with a sunken bath. After dressing in cotton pyjamas, our feet are bathed in warm water peppered with fresh orchids, to which the therapist adds milk and honey. After a gentle lavender salt foot scrub, we’re ready for our massage.
In case you’ve never had a Thai massage, you need to know a few things. You’re fully clothed throughout and the therapist doesn’t use oil. It’s not relaxing, it’s painful. Expect to have your back cracked, your head crushed in a vice-like grip and your fingers and toes pulled until they pop. Your therapist may even attempt to pull you off the bed. This is normal.
We have had the pleasure of a Thai massage before, but we forgot all of the above. We opt for medium pressure, and after meeting our therapist, a tiny Thai woman called Nicky, we feel reassured we are in for a relaxing 90 minutes.
But Nicky has hidden powers and before long we are being bent and contorted into poses more suited to practitioners of advanced yoga. When Nicky holds our hands in the air, lifts us off the bed, arches our back, twists us to the right, then the left, and knees us in our lower back, we’re closing our eyes in an attempt to relax – only we burst out laughing instead.
We know we’re not meant to laugh in a fancy five-star spa, but the more we try to suppress it, the more we chuckle – and soon even the therapist is giggling.
Towards the end of the treatment, the therapist massages our scalp, which is the best bit. She pushes all the right pressure points, strokes our forehead then yanks our hair – just to keep us on our toes.
We leave feeling dazed in a ‘Did that just happen?’ kind of way.
The results
We feel as stretched as if we’d done a yoga class, but without having to make any effort.
Pros
As we’re not oily, after the treatment we stroll the promenade along the mangroves, behind the resort. It’s a clean process so you don’t have to go straight home afterwards.
Cons
We didn’t feel as relaxed, sleepy and zonked out as we usually do after an oil-based massage.
3/5
Thai massage, Dhs750, Anantara Spa, Eastern Mangroves Hotel & Spa by Anantara, Salam Street, www.abu-dhabi.anantara.com (02 656 1000).
