The gym is a mystery to some: a sphinx-like cacophony of clanking weights, whirring treadmills and bronzed He-Men grunting in front of mirrors. For many gymphobes that would be hell, but all you really need is a decent guide.
Just as Dante had the Roman poet, Virgil, to shepherd him through Hades, my own personal Sherpa goes by the name of Ahmed, the InterContinental’s very own resident Hercules. Egyptian-born and a former boxer by trade, he once fought in the under 75kg category, but bears few of the telltale marks – clearly, he was good. His physique is not un-classical, either: ‘ripped’ would be the modern expression. So it is, dressed in an old T-shirt and some hastily purchased Dhs15 tracky bottoms from Lulu Supermarket, I place myself under his firm tutelage.
We begin with some light walking on the treadmill. Try as I might, I can’t convince him a swift jog wouldn’t actually kill me, but this seems to be the mantra of the PT: don’t let them do anything stupid. A confession that it had been ‘X’ number of days/months since my last workout has clearly led to a cautious, rather than a ‘put him to the sword’-style, routine.
Certainly, the primitive desire to test my manhood on the heaviest weight, thus getting a hernia and hobbling home miserably, was quickly discouraged. Instead we embark on a whistle-stop tour of biceps, triceps and quads. According to Ahmed, the majority of his clients are looking to lose weight; he only gets the occasional request to ‘make me superhuman’, although he has programmes for both – nice to know should I someday wish to turn into the Hulk.
In the meantime, I have benches to press and triceps to curl. Gentle encouragement and the habitual ‘come on, just two more’, greets every 10 reps, followed by a short rest and some amiable chatter. Interestingly, it’s the latter that helps ease the pain the most.
We end the hour with crunches – on the crunch machine, naturally. Everything here is mechanised. It’s like working out in the not-too distant future; even the treadmill has a TV inset with Mel Gibson’s Braveheart playing. ‘Freeee-dommm!’
Once released from the studious gaze and accusatory physique of Ahmed, I realise that the value of the personal trainer comes in having someone to talk to, as much as having them pick the right workout. I get bored easily at gyms and watching myself sweat pink-faced in a mirror is no entertainment at all. Ahmed advises working out with a partner, but that’s not always possible in the UAE where desk-slaves can lead a rather solitary, flabby existence. My answer: just buy one! The personal trainer is like a rent-a-buddy who wants you not to die of a heart attack. With a recommendation like that, I’m sold.
Personal training at InterContinental’s Leisure Club (02 666 6888) costs Dhs140 per hour; Dhs1,300 for 10 sessions. Members only. The cost of membership is Dhs9,500 per year.
The personal touch
Like the one-on-one approach? Here are some other ways to get that personal fitness touch
Pole to pole…
Get group or one-on-one vertical flex classes with Expressions of Dance and Drama. It’s a bit (well, a lot) like pole dancing, but with a fitness slant that is guaranteed to test every muscle in your body. We tried it and came away shattered, but, in spite of the pain, it’s also extremely fun. Contact Joanne on 02 626 2533. The five-week course costs Dhs250 per person.
Take charge…
Forget taking orders, why not become a personal trainer yourself with Impact BTS (02 558 9230). Courses take three working days, followed by exams. You can also specialise in pad and gloves, I-core and nutrition courses. Take all four and you would have enough special powers to reasonably consider yourself a superhero. Not even Batman knows the properties of wheatgrass!
Made to order…
Last month, we went camp crazy with Original Fitness’s new beach boot camp. Having finally recovered (just…) and regained at least some sensation in our legs, we were pleased to discover that we needn’t have to suffer in front of strangers anymore. Their personal trainer service takes you outside of the usual gym setting and will even come to your home or (please no!) office in order to work those flabby, desk-weary limbs. A single session is Dhs290, 10 sessions costs Dhs2,700. Visit www.originalfitnessco.com or call 02 406 9404.
Tri a little harder…
With Iron Man destined to come to Abu Dhabi sometime in the future, you may as well get your training in now. Triathlon Middle East offer a special Iron Man training program, with weight loss, swimming, running and cycling sessions. Costing Dhs300 per hour for one-to-one training sessions, visit www.triathlonmiddleeast.com for more information or call Mark on 050 660 3095.
