Scoffing chocolate-covered dates
Calling them fruit doesn’t make it any better. You know nothing as sweet and sticky as these decadent nuggets can be anything except heart-stoppingly unhealthy. But it’s hard to keep that in mind when you have a box full of chocolate-covered dates in front of you – layer after layer of them, garnished with pistachio nuts or rolled in coconut flakes. Who could say no? Al Foah produces our favourites, including a two-layered gift box filled with 10 different varieties. Try not to eat them all at once. But you know what, if you do, it’s no big deal anyway – chocolate covered dates are really just fruit after all.
Dhs115 for 1kg (two layered gift box). Marina Mall (02 681 5114).
Watching hours of trashy TV on the Star World channel
American Idol. Boston Legal. Bones. We can’t begin to tell you how much we loathe all these programmes. We despise everything from the moronic, dribbling contestants to the tangled plot lines and confused scripts. It’s awful television on every count except one – they’re all strangely addictive and we can’t stop watching them. Maybe subliminal messages are being flashed on the screen that hypnotise us into watching hour after hour of this drivel but we can’t help but admit – we find them all hugely entertaining. And hate ourselves a little bit for that fact. Star World, you’ve taken up too many precious hours
of our lives already.
Boston Legal Sun-Wed, 8.50pm; American Idol Thu-Fri, 8pm; Bones Mon 8pm.
Buying imported fashion magazines instead of worthy books
We regularly march into the bookshop armed with Dhs100 and a thirst for inspiring biographies, thought-provoking literature and intelligent history books. We cast an eye over works by Booker prize winners, scan the covers of novels recommended by the New York Times and pick up tomes dedicated to the history of the UAE. Then en route to the checkout, we spy an imported glossy fashion mag with someone beautiful on the front cover and a headline that reads something along the lines of ‘how to look like her’. We casually flick through the pages and see pictures of shoes we want, make-up we need and dresses we’d really like. But wow – Dhs55 for a magazine? That’s a lot of money. Definitely can’t afford the magazines and the books. So we put down the books and buy the trashy magazine. Shame on us.
Jashanmal Bookstores, Abu Dhabi Mall (02 644 3869).
Drinking at the city’s ladies nights
There’s something seriously undignified about going somewhere that offers free drinks to girls only. Partly because there’s the uncomfortable knowledge that your presence is being used to lure men into the bar, like half-witted bears to a honey pot. And partly because you’re inevitably going to be drinking the lowest-grade drinks available. So you can expect to be served pre-mixed concoctions from a big jug possibly marked, ‘Slop for the girls.’ Yet next time you arrange to go out with your friends, someone’s bound to suggest a ladies night. And you’ll think – yep, I could do with saving a few dirhams. So you’ll all go. And have a fantastic night out.
Wed 9pm-late. Oceans, Le Royal Méridien (02 674 1094).
Spending a small fortune on spa treatments
Espa is one of the most gorgeous settings in the city for health and beauty treatments. Every detail, from the striking water feature of powerful jets and multicoloured lights, to the tasteful, grown-up decor, is set to soothe. And that’s before you even get to the treatment. The advanced back, face and scalp treatment is really a masterclass in head-to-toe care, including a foot scrub, an oil massage with hot volcanic stones and a gentle facial using seriously lavish products. So that’s the ‘pleasure’ part taken care of. The ‘guilty’ part? It costs Dhs650. But we reckon it’s worth every penny.
Two hours, Dhs650. Espa, The Yas Hotel, Yas Island (02 656 0859).
Mauling chicken shawarmas
Society says we should be ashamed as we bury our face into the warm mess of bread, chicken and soggy fries that makes up our favourite snack. But our belly says something very different. It says the words ‘HELLO YOU!’, and it says them really, really loudly. Loud enough even to blot out the judgemental glances as we gorge greedily while stumbling along Hamdan Street, garlicky grease trickling down our chin and on to our freshly laundered trousers. Sure, we’ll feel dirty and resentful in the morning. But when we’re right there in the moment, we’re convinced we’ve discovered a little bit of heaven.
Dhs5 each. Automatic, behind Al Mariah Mall, Hamdan Street (02 676 9677).
Hell-raising at a downmarket brunch
There are plenty of refined brunches in the city – places where you might consider wearing your finest bow-tie, or taking someone who uses the word ‘summer’ as a verb. The Garden, however, isn’t one of them. The party drinks come by the jugful and often the clientele quaffing them are sporting fancy dress, meaning your recollection of events beyond the 2pm mark will generally be a tad on the sketchy side. Despite its reputation as a bit of a party spot, however – the food is actually pretty good. The jumbo scampi in particular is worth picking up, as long as you’ve retained the focus and dexterity to make a decent attempt at hacking into it.
Dhs215. Crowne Plaza (02 621 0000).
Dancing around to ’90s pop tunes
Nobody likes Steps. Literally nobody. Not even the people in Steps. We’re fairly certain that the only reason the squeaky-clean popsters enjoyed an ounce of success during the ’90s is because folks bought into how hilariously bad they were and because the lyrics were easy to remember. And like a block of camembert left out in the sun for a decade and a half, they’ve only got stinkier with age. But that doesn’t stop the crowds piling into the city’s most notorious Irish bar every Friday to screech their way through ‘Tragedy’ and similar songs of its ilk, usually while thrashing about like a mannequin falling down a flight of stairs. And we’re not (that) ashamed to say we’re often among them.
Free. PJ O’Reilly’s (02 674 2020).
Playing Xbox all weekend
It’s the old problem: you’ve spent the whole week happily chilling out on the sofa with a joypad in your hand, but once the weekend comes around you’re suddenly expected to be sociable and tell everyone you love their new shoes. Luckily, you can kill two birds with one stone at NRG, where friends can enjoy 30 minutes’ free use of the bar’s in-house Xbox 360. And since your living room (presumably) isn’t equipped with a projector and 100-odd inch screen, we’d argue that spending your social time chilling on a beanbag and taking virtual free-kicks is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Just remember that pulling your T-shirt up over your head and screaming ‘GOOOOOOAAAAL!’ might earn you a few odd stares.
NRG (02 644 6666).
Buying tacky tat
Amid the dodgy handbags and questionable denim, the Hamdan Centre is a glittering treasure trove of twinkly trinkets and gag gifts. And while some will run a mile from its gaudy wares, there’s no denying the kitsch charm of a plush camel. Especially if said camel happens to be wearing a natty leather jacket. The upstairs floor is where you’ll find the cheesier knick-knacks, packing in everything from snow globes to golden coffee pots. Just make it clear to the salesman that you’re not a tourist to avoid being charged tourist prices.
Yousuf Al Dahbashi Trading, Hamdan Centre, Hamdan Street (050 644 6085).
